The Lancer Fanfiction Archive

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Helen Cooper (Coop)

 

 

Episode Commentary:
Splinter's Group
A review for Splinter's Group
For those of you who don't know me, via the various Lancer sites, the following reviews were, for the most part, written during a heightened period of seismic (earthquake) activity that struck my home town of Christchurch between September 2010 and January 2012. So hopefully, that will put into context the various somewhat hysterical  references to earthquakes that are made in several of the reviews. Writing them was, in essence, my coping mechanism for dealing with my world (and house) shaking apart.  So hopefully, that will go some way to explaining my slightly, irreverent, self indulgent look at the episodes reviewed; for which I make absolutely no apology! I'm sure a shrink would have a field day...

 

Thanks to Suz for the ‘Eye Candy'

http://www.peterbrown.tv/lancercoop12.jpg



Well, I couldn't resist reviewing this one because it is one of my favorites I have to admit. I mean, what's not to like? It's a complete Scott fest from go to whoa!

That said, was it just me or did anyone else get a real bad case of déjà vu at the beginning of this one. The Scottster, out in the badlands, the sun beating down, and he looks kinda sun sick and…oh no…he falls down that same escarpment that he fell down only a year or so before.

Oh, ok then, so it's the cheapskates in suits that insisted that they used stock footage for that eppy.  Except, when Scottie looks up and sees goats in Child of Rock and Sunlight, at least they changed that to vultures for this one…. shudder…and, at least wardrobe ensured he was wearing the right shirt….   Guess that's something.

But, well, Scott hunny, I love ya, you know I do, but really, didn't you learn ANYTHING from the last occasion you took a short cut through the badlands?  Sheeesh…you can only use that “well, I'm from back east” excuse for so long sweetie….

So next shot we see a bunch of hillbillies out scavenging for food but hang on, what's wrong with this picture – ain't that fella Dr. Huer? Last time Coop saw him he was wearing a skintight white outfit and had a little robot who liked to say “biddy biddy” as a friend. Not to mention a slightly overweight astronaut who also liked to wear skintight white lycra or whatever the equivalent was back then…shudder. So Coop's confused…but anyhow….said hillbillies seem to be out foraging for whatever morsels they can find. From their unkempt and slightly ravaged appearance we get the message that they're kinda starving.

Now ever the animal lover, Coop feels real sorry for the gopher. I mean, he's being a good little gopher, not digging up any golf courses or lawns and all he asks for in life is to have a nice little stash of nuts and roots or whatever it is gophers eat stored up to keep him going.  Has taken weeks to get that little stash together and along come these lolloping great humans and steal his stash!     Now if that don't just beat it all….

Skinny emaciated female (we don't know her name yet) just can't wait and pops one of the tasty morsels (yeah, I'll take your word on that one, love) into her mouth.   Dr Huer (sorry we don't know his name yet either) gives her a slap and tells her to think of others. So she spits it out and puts it in the bag. Right…so I'll pass on ALL of them thanks…yuck!

Back to the poor gopher…now, the third member of the hillbilly food foraging committee stands out like a sore thumb. Why? Coz he's a bit more meat on him than the others. A lot more. I mean, c'mon, could they not find a THIN actor to play the role? Yeah, yeah, I know Ken Swofford was a jobbing actor and he was likely under contract but heck, he sure don't look like he's missed many meals…   anyway, the gopher…. well, as if having his nuts stolen from under his nose (no smart comments here) he's now got old Rufus (ok, we don't know his name yet but we soon will – ‘k?) lining him up with his shotgun. Aha, so that's why Rufus has more meat on him than the rest. While they are scavenging and making do with roots and nuts, he's having fricasseed gopher…deep fried gopher…boiled gopher…gopher pie…gopher surprise…well, you get the picture. Heck, I'm with you little furry buddy; I'd disappear down a hole pretty sharpish too…

Frustrated that he has lost his prey, Rufus is just about to go see what else he can find when he spots an even larger prey….

S'OK, Coop's confused again (let's face it, that ain't hard being blonde) but when poor old Scottie came to rest unceremoniously from his fall, he was lying on his back…but now he is face down and the landscape looks VERY different. Alright, maybe he woke up, staggered around a bit…and then passed out prettily…in the recovery position…hmmm…let it go Coop, move on…

Now, I know that I have used the following descriptors when referring to the ‘gorgeous one'; the likes of ‘Scrumptious', ‘yummy', ‘delicious' etc but they are never meant to be taken literally…. and heck, Rufus sure is lookin' at the gorgeous one hungrily. He is just about to finish him off with a good old pistol whip to the back of his pretty head when he is stopped by Dr. Huer…whom we are now told is called Samuel. K…

Rufus whines that he could be a lawman out to get them like the last time but I ain't buying it…he's already planning how many different ways he can cook the Scottster…. wonder how many of those folk in that cave has vanished mysteriously since they left Colorado…hmmm…

Skinny female asks “ What would any sane man be doing out in the badlands.” Well, quite…I mean every time Scott goes out into the badlands, he meets a bunch of nutters, Luke and Ma Sickles, Rufus, her…I rest my case…

Samuel rolls our gorgeous unconscious boy over and observes that he's ‘hurt'. Well, heck what gave you that clue??! The fact that he is lying there spark out? Nah, he's just taking a nap in the middle of nowhere amongst scorpions, rattlers and with the hot sun beating down on him…sheesh.

He tells Rufus that he is too quick to kill and to punish him, makes him carry our beautiful boy back to their hideout. All 6ft 1 of his gorgeousness…. sigh…

So back at the camp, we now see there's a whole cave full of these hillbilly type folk. Scott is carried in and dumped rather roughly on what to me looks like some kinda ceremonial alter covered in blankets (maybe to cover the blood stains?) Wonder if they have those gutter things around the edges…you know to capture all the blood…. hmmm… Rufus is still looking at him hungrily…

Sarah tells a precocious looking child that she has some roots and onions in the sack (watch out for the chewed one) to which “Tilly” excitedly responds “ Oh good, I'll start a stew.” Now that child is WAY too excited about boiling up a bunch of rotten roots but then I guess there's likely not much fun to be had in the bad lands…. you gotta get your kicks where you can I ‘spose….

Now here comes a pause and rewind…pause and rewind…pause and rewind scene… and just to emphasize the point. Here it is…   

http://www.peterbrown.tv/lancercoop13.gif


Awww…don't he look gorgeous? Now I'm not ‘sposed to do this but Coop's gonna let you into a little secret. See that hand? Well, that's mine. No, really…you see, the actress playing Sarah, mysteriously didn't turn up on set the day that scene was scheduled to be shot. No one had a clue as to where she was… So a volunteer was requested to do the whole mop the fevered brow thing and, naturally, being the generous natured person I am, I duly volunteered.

I heard rumors that someone locked Diana Ewing in the bathroom of her trailer… and somehow she was gagged…and buck tied. I of course, wouldn't know anything about that…but I do always look fondly on that picture…

Cut to the scrumptious (not) looking stew being dished up. Completely superfluous scene but we do get treated to the best of what Hollywood could offer at the time in terms of extras. Spot the scary lady with the penciled in eyebrows. She looks like she came off the set of Dr. Zhivago…

Back to our gorgeous boy and he starts to wake up, all prettily and we see those beautiful, confused, stormy eyes…. (See top of this review) sigh…. Unfortunately Diana Ewing had been discovered by this time (Coop needs to practice her knot tying) and so she was available to do the scene. Darn…Coop had been practicing all the lines too…

So in typical style for someone who has just ‘come to” Scott asks the stock standard questions of “ Where am I…who are you people.”   Now to my mind, that just don't ring true…. on the one occasion I regained consciousness from being knocked out, the first thing I recollect saying was…well, ok, modesty prevents me from repeating here, but it contained a few expletives…but ok, this is Lancer, and the Scottster and he wouldn't use such profanities. ‘K…

Rufus has no sympathy whatsoever as poor old Scott is saying that he took a short cut through the badlands and must have drunk some bad water, which made him sick to his stomach…     Samuel's solution? To give him some of, likely, that SAME water, boiled up a bit with some rotten roots added in for good measure. Saying it'll make him FEEL better. Eeewww…. poor Scott. If that was me, I'd have passed but the Scottster has good manners and he accepts saying  “That's good…very…unusual.” Translation? What the f$%^ is that creek bilge you're plying me with?  

And the lovely Sarah, ever the polite hostess, tells him “Well, its better than nuthin' which is what we had yesterday…” That's it, lay the guilt on your poor unfortunate guest why doncha…jeez…

Next scene, and we can hear this god damned awful caterwauling, screeching sound…oh wait, no, its Sarah singing a lullaby. Well, Diana Ewing weren't hired for her singing ability, that's for darned sure! No wonder that poor kid she's supposedly nursing looks so darned miserable. All the poor sprite wants to do is go to sleep but who could drop off with that racket in your ears?

The Scottster, much recovered himself, is assessing all the patients. So, did he study medicine at Harvard then? But he makes his diagnosis after touching the fevered brow of a woman and making a cursory inspection of the hapless kid (who really does look miserable) and goes back and tells Rufus and Samuel that they are all suffering desert fever and that can lead to pneumonia. Way to go Scottster – Sam Jenkins would be proud! Rufus spits back that he knows, they buried three people last week, including his own son. Yeah Rufus that's your story and you're stickin' to it…I reckon you ate them…

Scott tells them they can't stay there, they are in sad shape. Samuel tells him they have no intention of staying there; they are heading to Canada…hang on a minute, Coop's confused again…. now I have to confess I have seen this eppy a few times…well, more than a few…multiple in fact, and so I know that this merry little bunch originated in Colorado. Now, I may not be an American myself but I am pretty au fait with American geography BUT aren't they kinda going the LONG way to Canada? Wouldn't it have been easier to head north through Wyoming and Montana? Instead of across Utah and Nevada, into California and then head north from there? And don't even get me started on Cripple Creek…more on that later…

Anyway, the Scottster pleads with them to let him go and get them supplies and medicine. Rufus is adamant that he stays put and that they will release him when they are ready to move on. Cue incredibly stormy look from the gorgeous one. Another pause and rewind moment… Samuel is wavering, clearly a member of the "I used to be undecided but now I am not so sure" school of thinking, until the lady who a few moments earlier had been delirious arrives to beg for Scott to be allowed to go.  Clearly it was the healing touch of 'his gorgeousness' mopping her brow
that got her back on her feet again…he can mop my brow anytime…not to mention…whoops, sorry, won't go there…

Samuel agrees on the proviso that he go with him and Sarah wants to come too. That leaves Rufus in charge. Oh dear…reckon there'll be a few less people around when they get back…. His passing shot to Sarah is to give her his weapon to use on Scott if she has to…oooh he's a meanie... must be the red hair...he was clearly bullied at school...

Cue next scene and we are back at Lancer. I am not a Johnny gal per se, but I DO like him in that nice blue shirt. Suits him. He and Murdoch and a bunch of nameless extras are about to go look for the gorgeous one when Jelly points out the obvious; there is no need, here he is now….

Love the way that Johnny greets Scott with the wee slap to the midriff and then Scott puts his arm around his brother. Awwww. Just gotta love that brotherly affection... Scott introduces Rory Calhoun…oops sorry, SAMUEL Calhoun and Sarah and they all go inside for din dins....

Scott is now in the GORGEOUS navy blue shirt, and is busily telling a cock and bull story about lost paiutes out in the badlands and how it would be really nice if Lancer could help out as, `After all, you did get me back." Love Murdoch's response to this

"Well, it's a bad exchange but we are obligated." Samuel's not really listening though, he's just staring at all that FOOD! He's just about to tuck in when Scott prompts him to say grace. Samuel obliges (grudgingly, figuring the lord would have forgiven him this one time) and asks the lords forgiveness for several of the sins (can't recall what they are) maybe sloth and covetousness and LYING, and here he focuses on Scott. LOVE the Scottster's naughty schoolboy expression on this! LOL!

Prayers all over and its time to eat, and heck, look at Samuel go! He has clearly forgotten his lecture to Sarah about thinking of others first and is spooning a whole heap of that mashed vile green stuff (what the heck IS that??!!) onto his plate. Hell, the guy must be starving to wanna eat that putrid lookin' stuff…

Next scene - we get that overhead crane shot of two riders entering town. Stock footage again that is used in at least three episodes!!! But seeing as they use Coop's favorite incidental music, they can be forgiven.

Scott and Samuel have gone shopping for supplies. Now, this is where I wonder if the Scottster is fully recovered from his dose of poisoned water and too much sun because he is happily looking at dresses…hmm…. is there something you wanna tell us Scott, sweetie…?

The vile Shopkeeper and his wife who, frankly would have been better off in a pantomime (could they have been any more over the top?!) are intent on palming off their out of date jarred veggies and mouse nibbled chocolate on the poor  unsuspecting (but fictitious) paiutes.

But it seems the shop owner recognizes Samuel. Did he see him in Laramie? Where he used to own a store? Nah, different show entirely Mr. Shopkeeper… and probably different studio.... next lot over I think you'll find...

So, back at the ranch (you knew I'd get that in somewhere, huh?) Murdoch is getting set to head off to Stockton and everyone else is busy loading up the wagon. Jelly has entirely lost the plot, threatening the chickens and overacting as usual…. bless him….

Murdoch tells Samuel that there is no burden on Lancer and they are glad to help…awww….what's that you said about lying Samuel? Hmm....

But oh dear, back at the jail. Mr. and Mrs. Shopkeeper are having a full-blown domestic in he sheriff's office. Mr. Shopkeeper has remembered where he saw Calhoun and made the fatal mistake of telling his motor mouth wife who is intent on telling the sheriff before her hapless hubby. But the long and the short…duh duh duh…(imagine dramatic music) Calhoun is a man wanted for the massacre of 12 men at the Cripple Creek Mine.

Now, this is where Coop gets all-ornery about the lack of accurate historical research on Lancer. Coop has been to Colorado and has a leaflet on The Cripple Creek Mine. The gold rush, and therefore the mining there, didn't start until 1890…grrrrrr. It's the heliograph all over again….

I know, I know…. Get over it Coop…

Back at Lancer, Scott is showing Sarah the hens. Ok, we have gone from admiring dresses, to chickens...'K.... Seeing how skinny Sarah is in that dress, and how she is eyeing the hens hungrily he is quick to point out that they can't eat them. They will need the eggs all the way to Canada…Heck, if they are only gonna be eating eggs, I don't wanna be the one emptying their slop buckets...phew!

But awww…our boy really is a sensitive wee soul and he tells Sarah he gets the impression that she don't like him. Heck girl, what's not to like??!! She needs her head reading if she don't like our boy. But she reassures him that she does like him, and that she'd love to live in a place like this.

Scott tells her " Doesn't take much. Find the right man. Start breaking ground…"

Heck girl if you don't recognize a COME ON when you see one! Hell, Coop is yelling at the screen "Sure hunny, you just show me the ground and I am right with ya! Where do I sign?"

But no, Sarah says that she could never have that kind of life…Yep as I thought, the girl is clearly nuts. What comes of spending too long in the badlands…

Meanwhile, in the Great Room Sheriff Sam has arrived and is showing the wanted poster to Johnny and Jelly. Johnny asks the Sheriff if he really thinks that Scott is gonna lead him to the people holed up in the badlands after they saved his life. The sheriff replies petulantly that “it's the law and Scott of all people would understand that.”

Now, hang on a minute. Confused again. Which town is this guy the sheriff of? Val is for Green River. Gabe is for Spanish Wells. So is this fella Sheriff for Morro Coyo? Can't keep up with all these lawmen…

Anyway, Scott comes in to grab a couple of bottles of sherry, for medicinal purposes he says – me, well, I reckon maybe the Scottster is planning on getting Sarah drunk…. Surely not?! Well, she is playing hard to get…

Johnny shows Scott the wanted poster and, naturally, our boy is incredulous. He just can't believe it. Awww, c'mon Scott darlin' you've met Rufus…you've seen him... he probably ate those 12 miners and then still had room for dessert…

Anyway, Johnny manages to get rid of the childish sheriff (did anyone else wanna yell at him " Grow up man!?") as well as Jelly and then Scott waits for the lecture

"All right Johnny, it's your turn. What have you got to say?"

"Only what Murdoch would say. Those people… Can't run….Forever."

Now I actually think, the way that Johnny delivers that line, this is some kind of `in joke' between James Stacy and Wayne Maunder. I can't BELIEVE that a director would have told JS to deliver it that way.

And when you hear WM's response "That's very good because that's EXACTLY what he would say" and see the way that he and JS grin at each other, there's something more going on there…. Am sure of it...

Johnny asks Scott what he intends to do but he is stopped short as Sarah enters, delivering the message that her Pa wants to make tracks and get back. Johnny persuades her that it best wait until morning and Sarah is easily placated. She goes onto ask Scott "When you have a minute could you come and help me tie down the chicken crates?"

Well, Scottie boy, you won't need the sherry after all, if that's not a euphemism for something else I don't know what is!!! Tie down Chicken crates??! Pulleeasee!!

Scott goes out and tells Johnny en route " Johnny, whatever happens, don't follow us…." Of course, he and Sarah need their privacy don' they? Sorrrry, he meant follow the wagon back to the secret hideout didn't he…whoops, stay on track Coop…

So its now the middle of the night and Samuel can't understand the clandestine departure but Scott assures him that everyone and their dog will wanna go with them if they don't set out now. So Samuel is placated. Although not sure of Scott's choice of Lancer traveling companion… He tells Samuel "You can trust Jelly” Err really? This is the man that tells chickens to stop complaining else he'll fricassee them and then tells a goose that he is gonna stuff him…. yeah, he's real confidence inspiring….

I LOVE this next scene. One of my favorite ever Johnny scenes. Teresa comes down stairs with a candle and out of the darkness we hear Johnny call her name. She asks what is going on and out of the light of her candle we see Johnny. He tells us "Just a man doin' what he has to do." When Teresa asks him what he means I love the way he thinks about it but doesn't give her an answer. He just tells her to go onto bed and he will see her in the morning. I think that is just a very powerful scene and says so much about the relationship between the two boys. And JS plays it masterfully....

Ok, that's enough seriousness, back to the silliness….   

Back in town, the incompetent Sheriff is busily trying to arrange his posse to catch Calhoun and this is where Coop, again gets confused (I hope its just the earthquakes and not a permanent state setting in) but WHY does Johnny go and snitch on Scott???!! The only thing I can think of is that it is a plot device by the writer to have Johnny in town for when Wilkes, the Shopkeeper shows up and reveals the whole botulism thing. Very contrived though…hmmmm…

As the awful revelation is made, cue to the scene of the wagon riding past Vasquez Rocks (WM musta known that place like the back of his hand – Child of Rock and Sunlight was filmed there as well as numerous Custer episodes!)

So now we have a race against time. Poor Johnny has to break his promise to his brother to save those poor vicious killers (his words!) from being poisoned. Right, yeah, save them from a poisoning so they can be hanged…. right.... just gotta love western justice....

So now we get lots of to'ing and fro'ing between Scott, Jelly and the hillbillies and their trials and tribulations, getting bogged down and such like, to Johnny and Sheriff Sam trailing them. How on earth that man ever became a sheriff though is beyond me….

We are treated to a few nice shots of Scott jumping off the wagon, bending down to cut branches in those VERY tight pants that fit so snuggly around that luscious tushy and…. oh heck, where was I? Oh yeah…and he is very deliberate about covering their tracks. Or IS he??!!

Coop is confused AGAIN…maybe its time for more paracetamol?  But WHY does Johnny say, "That's not like my brother?" DOES Scott know that Johnny will follow anyway? Is he making it easy for him? Is THAT why Johnny says what he says? But if so, WHY does Scott go to the trouble of getting the cart up that steep escarpment? Oh well, glad he does because we get to see more of the tushy…  yeah, yeah, call me shallow, the plot can go hang as long as the view is good…

So Scott et al have made camp and Jelly is cookin' up somethin' that looks like what my cat sicks up when he has been eating grass. Positively putrid! And he tells Sarah "Yes ma'am I'm gonna make you the tastiest unfattening conglomeration you ever put in your mouth."  Ermmmm…. Jelly? These people aren't on a Weight Watchers program you know…they NEED fattening up, that's the point! Have you looked at Sarah? Turn her sideways and you'd lose her…jeez…

So poor old Scottie is having sensitivity issues again. This time he gets the impression that Samuel doesn't trust him. Sarah assures him that her pa is trying, "Its hard for him. He likes you"

Scott decides its time to get some answers from Sarah. Gives her a little speech about what's gonna happen to them when they get to Canada; he's worried about her people, but mainly her, its not right"  

She gets kinda evasive with him but he gets all masterful with her, telling her he wants to talk about it and that she needs to trust him. Heck, if he got masterful like that with me I'd be putty in his hand, I'd tell him EVERYTHING but I am beginning to wonder about this Sarah. How can she resist the lure of the gorgeous one…hmmm…

Scott does almost get somewhere until Samuel gets back with the sack of flour that just so happened to fall off the back of the wagon. Way to go Jelly, I mean you couldn't have left a wee chalk mark on a tree, a piece of material snagged on a twig. Nope, you had to drop a whacking great bag of flour…subtle as a brick through the window…sigh...

When confronted with the evidence Scott gets all ornery and tells Samuel “Don't you think it's time you trusted someone?" Just as he says it, with unerring timing, low and behold, there is Johnny and Sheriff Sam…. oopsie. Am confused again though as Scott looks genuinely shocked to see them and says “Mr. Calhoun, I don't care what you think but we covered our tracks.” But when Sarah says, "Did we?" Scott doesn't respond and can't look her in the eye…. hmmm…. but then he gets all masterful and stroppy again and Coop forgets her confusion and just enjoys the view once more.

So Coop jumped the gun a little bit, mentioning the trip up the escarpment. Sorry, I got excited about the tushy, and am seeing double at this point, but, did I mention the view is REAL good in that scene? I did…oh, ok…onwards….

So Sheriff Sam and Johnny arrive at the abandoned camp where Scott et al were a short time before. Johnny says its been about 45 minutes. What???!!! They looked a LOT closer than that when Scott and Calhoun etc spotted them and by the time they packed up camp... heck they only looked to be about 10 minutes away and Johnny and the Sheriff would have to have been BLIND not to have seen 4 people in a heavily loaded cart ride off…oh well….

 Johnny and the sheriff arrive at the spot where Scott took the detour up the escarpment and we got the great view of the… sorry, sidetracked again…

So the sheriff is REAL excited to find the `sign' that Scott left to throw them off the scent but Johnny is onto it and looking more than slightly bemused at the Sheriffs complete and utter incompetence. Clearly he was the only guy who interviewed for the role….

FINALLY the supply wagon arrives at the camp and everyone is relieved to see them. Precocious Tilly flings herself at the Scottster ….grr…. Don't think the fact that you are a child will protect you kid.  You can run but you can't hide, just ask Diana Ewing what happened to her…Nuff said.  

Ok, so here I have to remind myself that this eppy is set circa 1870/71…and it was filmed circa 1969/70 and NOT get on my high horse (metaphoric of course) about sexist comments.

`Cuz Scottie boy offers to carry a sack of something for Sarah and tells her "You've done enough man's work these past 48 hours.  Now let's see you do something like a lady. Like ride herd on Jelly, because he can't cook as well as he thinks he can"

So basically its – "get in the kitchen love, where you belong!"  But hey, it's the Scottster saying it and I think I would let him get away with that if he said it to me. Mind you, he'd regret it. I doubt my cookin' would be any better than Jelly's. Not one of my talents I am afraid….    

 So Scott goes to the sick lady, who WAS on her feet when he first arrived but has suddenly had a `relapse' and is flat on her back again, to give her some medicine. Yeah, I got your number lady; you just want the gorgeous one fussin' over ya. And with your husband there too. Shameless hussy… Mind you, I don't blame ya!  I would have a 'relapse' too if Scott was gonna be my physician....  

Scott goes to check on the boy too and he is looking much better as well. Well, hardly surprising, he's had a couple of days respite from Sarah's god damn awful singing. Did ya notice though, he don't look too happy to see her back…

And is it my imagination or does Rufus look a tad fatter than he did before they left. Hmmm…think its time for Samuel to do a roll call….

So once Scott has ascertained that the boy is gonna live Sarah tells him that she has "something to show him". Oh yeah, I've heard THAT one before!!   

So Scottie boy thinks he's onto a winner, and I reckon he's lookin' kinda starry eyed until she produces the gun which, let's face it, is a wee bit of a passion killer. But Scottie is known for his humor and manages to mask his disappointment with a wee quip:

"Well, if this is a gift, I think I should tell you, I already got one…"

 Coop was waiting for the "well, if you show me yours, I'll show you mine"  line but it didn't come…..maybe in Coop's alternate version that she's gonna write…..

Instead Scott asks, "What's it for?"

Ermm…well, hunny, ya see, when you see a big nasty guy and he's aiming his weapon at you, what you do is take that big old gun out of your holster and the aim is to squeeze the trigger and hit HIM first before he gets you. Ask Johnny; I hear he used to be real good at it. How do I know? Well, he's still alive sweetie…

But no, Scott corrects himself "Should I ask what WAS it for?" Oh, ok hunny, will let you off that one…

So Sarah admits if she'd had to, she would have killed him. If she'd been hungry enough…. (Sorry, again, that's Coop's alternate version)

Again, another passion killer. When a gal shows you her gun and then tells you she was considering killing you, you kinda get to figure that all bets are off at that point. Oh well Scott sweetie, you can do sooo much better…(Coop is waving frantically…over hereeeeeeeeee!!!)  

But he's not quite done with Sarah yet. She whines that they are just too far away from each other, she and him (well not that far away love, any closer you'd practically be sitting on his lap) but of course, it's metaphoric.... Silly me. 

Scott gives that wonderful speech and touches her face "We're never too far away that we can't get back if we trust someone." Heck, if that don't win her heart nuthin' will...what is WRONG with this woman??!!!

Just at that moment foghorn Jelly, ultimate `moment killer' yells that chow is up and Scott goes off to help.  But cue ominous music…oh ho…something is amiss…awry…something is gonna go TERRIBLY wrong…. gadzooks, the wanted poster has fallen out of Scott's waistband. Of all the times and all the places this could have happened...what were the odds?     All that jumpin' in rivers, and climbing up escarpments (and giving us lovely views…) but nope, he has to drop it THERE!

We get the dramatic "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"  (was that dramatic enough for you?) from Sarah and perhaps the worst case of overacting I have ever seen in my entire life. She goes into one and gives our boy a good slap across the kisser (s'ok, Coop Will be VERY happy to kiss that sweet spot better later. Might take several attempts but I am a pro and I take my duties VERY seriously when it comes to 'his gorgeousness')

Rufus jumps into the fray and lays one into Scott but our beautiful boy soon recovers and lays two fantastic haymakers on the rotund Rufus.  That manages to get everyone's attention  "Now wait a minute. Now listen to me. We never let anybody follow us and we tried to cover our trail."

Again, with unerring and frankly, lousy timing, we hear gunshots outside as Johnny and the sheriff arrive on the scene.  Oopsie...  Poor Scott and Jelly are soon bound with Sarah left to guard them while Rufus and Samuel go out to `deal' with Johnny and the sheriff.

Johnny shouts inside "The food is poisoned" and Scott hears this ok and tells Sarah "My brother wouldn't lie."

But Sarah ain't having a barr of it. She feels that "all men lie." Oh dear….

Meanwhile outside, the wind musta changed direction (?) `cuz now Johnny is struggling to make himself heard against it. Hmmm….  Funny that. Rather contrived again…but hey, it adds to the dramatic effect. Because Scott has to go into hostage negotiation mode to help free himself and Jelly. And Jelly ain't helping their cause at all!!

Scott tells Sarah he `liked her' (note the past tense – LOL! Not anymore love, you've shot you bolt with the gorgeous one. Tee Hee!) " Did she really think he needed to scrounge around for saddle-tramp money?"  He could have turned her father in without going to the trouble of bringing in those supplies, especially up that steep escarpment which gave those tushy muscles a good work out… sigh...

Finally he gets through to her with the old "Too far away speech" a little cheesy but hey, he delivers it so well and he says so much with those eyes of his…. heck, you could DROWN in those eyes…sigh…ok, I am getting WAY too hot and bothered now....

Anyway, Sarah FINALLY sets them free and for maximum dramatic effect Scott gets out there just in time to prevent Rufus from shooting Johnny (echoes of the way Child of Rock and Sunlight climaxed with Johnny saving Scott)   

Love Johnny's line "Brother, am I glad to see you. I've been yellin' my fool head off." 

Jelly runs into the cave in panic to dispose of the stew he has been cookin' up once he hears Johnny's warning about the vege's. Now this is a wee bit far fetched…'cuz you are not tellin' me that a bunch of people who have not eaten a proper meal for weeks, maybe months, are all gonna politely wait to have their dinner served up for them and will have held back just `cuz all hell broke loose outside…. but then I guess it wouldn't have made for a particularly happy ending if all the kids had died a painful death from botulism…well, maybe Rufus...

So, Scott gives Calhoun a moralistic lecture about the day only having been saved because his daughter learned to trust at the 11th hour and it was time he did the same. He persuades him that the all powerful Murdoch Lancer will be able to intercede with the Lieutenant Governor on his behalf and Calhoun, who has been running for like two years says, "Yeah ok" I mean' c'mon , the guy has 12 murder charges hanging over his head. For a man that has not trusted a soul for at least two years, is he REALLY gonna put all his faith in one man to get him off the hook? Well, this is Lancer and there is only about 2 minutes of episode time left so it needs to be wrapped up. So, deal with it...hmmmmm

Cue next scene, 'back at the ranch' (LOL) and Murdoch has got a letter indicating the case will be reviewed. So ok, just a REVIEW so potentially Calhoun and Rufus COULD still swing…. but heck, don't worry about that `cuz the beef is prime and the veggies are fresh and ALL is right with the world…yeah right!!!      

So yeah, I do love this eppy even though there are lots of things that confuse me and seem inconsistent – especially the historical accuracy BUT it's a Scott vehicle and I do love Johnny in this too. There are some great `moments' between the two lads and hey, we get to see our darling boy all vulnerable and needing taking care of…

Speaking of which, Coop needs to take care of herself and go night nights and HOPE her sleep is not rudely interrupted as it was last night by another significant shake. Nearly did the pitch and roll (we are taught to roll out of bed onto the floor for a major quake) nearly put that into practice last night. If the shaking had gone on for any longer I would have! Here's to a peaceful sleep…with sweet Lancer dreams...

~ end ~

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